rock bottom
Rock bottom is very often where we begin our healing journey. This is not because we suddenly see the light, nor because our worst days are magically transmuted into some type of epiphany, and not because someone saves us from our own madness. Rock bottom becomes a turning point because it is only at that point that most people think: I never want to feel this way again.
That thought is not just an idea. It is a declaration and a resolution. It is one of the most life-changing things you can ever experience. It becomes the foundation upon which you build everything else. When you decide you truly do not ever want to feel a certain way again, you set out on a journey of self-awareness, learning, and growth that leads you to radically reinvent who you are.
In that moment, fault becomes irrelevant. You're no longer mulling over who did what or how you've been wronged. In that moment, only one thing guides you, and it is this: No matter what it takes, I will never accept my life getting to this point again.
Rock bottom isn't a bad day. It doesn't happen by chance. We only arrive at rock bottom when our habits begin to compound upon one another, when our coping mechanisms have spiraled so out of control that we can no longer resist the feelings we were attempting to hide.
Today, I came across these words from The Mountain is You after what I can only describe as hitting my rock bottom yesterday. It wasnāt just one incident that brought me here. It's been a buildup of medical, physical, and emotional challenges stacking on top of one another, and until yesterday, pretending seemed to be working just fine.
Yesterday, as I pushed myself at the gym with weights I hadnāt trained with before, I felt an overwhelming wave of exhaustionāmore than just physical strain. It was as if every frustration and hurt Iād been carrying suddenly surfaced. I remember thinking, I never want to feel this level of hurt again.
Today, I decided to skip college, picked up this book, and honestly, it feels like fate. The words leapt off the page as if they were written for me, each one unravelling the layers of denial and avoidance Iād wrapped myself in. Itās not that this book magically solved my problems, but it made me realize that maybe, just maybe, hitting rock bottom isnāt about the fallāitās about choosing to rebuild.
Reading these pages feels like someone is guiding me to look within, to see that healing is a process. Itās uncomfortable, but itās mine to own. Today, Iām starting to believe that maybe I can truly rebuildānot just around the pain but beyond it.
Today, Iām committing to step back from social media so I can focus on some serious inner work that Iāve been avoiding. I want to quiet the noise and give myself the space to really face my fears, build resilience, and rethink how I show up every day. This isnāt just about taking a break; itās about giving myself the time to grow in a way that actually prepares me for the āclimbā. To those whoāve always been there for me, thank you. Iām grateful for each of you, and Iāll be back soon with a clearer mind and a stronger sense of self. Until then, take care, and know Iām just a message away if you need me.